Monday, September 8, 2008

When Two Particles Collide

There is a very big geeky event occurring Wednesday. How big? 17 miles big. Somewhere between France and Switzerland, a European scientific group known as CERN will be firing up their Large Hadron Collider for the very first time.

I remember in college (long time ago) when my physics professor literally drooled as he described working on the collider and the day that it would "go live". Years later and this baby is ready to go.

What will it do? Depends on who you ask. Apparently some people are convinced that a particle collider of this size will quite possibly create a black hole, swallowing up Earth and essentially destroy the solar system. They have sued, cried, protest and sent death threats. But we all know those people are nothing but a bunch of losers, bent on ruining everyone elses fun.

So what will it do? I have no fucking idea. I read the wiki entry and I'm still pretty confused. The best I can tell, the LHC will speed up particles to a ridiculously high rate of speed and ultimately direct them to crash into each other in a head-on collision. This apparently will cause massive hard-ons for balding academics and lead to a flurry of scientific papers full of sexual innuendos about the creation of the universe and big bang theories.

Personally, I don't think it'll work. I mean, look at it.

It's more complicated than the Millennium Falcon. We still have trouble building cruise control for cars consistently and you expect me to believe that somehow a bunch of nerds got this thing to work? It'd be one thing if this was built in Japan, but France? Monsieur please.
All kidding aside, I hope it does work. Decades of work and tons of money have been poured into this project by a large unselfish international community, all in the name of science. This very well could represent our generation's version of the first man on the moon. I may not know exactly what it'll do, but I have a good idea what it represents if it succeeds. Besides it looks cool as hell. Something neat has to come out of it.

1 comment:

sm2 said...

I hope tomorrow is not the end of the world. Would suck to go on a work day! If so, been nice knowin' ya!